So, the one character we have not met yet is the boss’ wife. There is a reason she does not enter the chaos of Act One.  Every character in the opera is somehow boisterous, self-serving and flawed.  The Countess is like a breath of fresh air.  This is not to say she doesn’t have her own wiles, but she adds a new dimension to the drama; poignancy.

Her first aria is wonderfully still. It translates as – Grant me, Love, some remedy for my grief and my sighs.  Return to me my treasure or leave me to die.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPbMDLo7JFY

After she’s broken the audience’s hearts the madness returns in the shape of Susanna and Figaro and a rather confusing plan to take revenge on the Count.  Basilio will give the Count a note, that appears to be from a lover to the Countess, this will get him thoroughly baffled and in such a rage that he doesn’t have time to start helping Marcellina to marry Figaro before Figaro is already married to Susanna (still with me?). Meanwhile, to make sure Marcellina cannot succeed on her own, Susanna will give the Count a hint that she will meet him for a secret triste.  Cherubino will turn up in Susanna’s place, dressed as a girl, and the Countess will catch them in the act.  In this way, the Countess will be able to get whatever she wants out of her husband, including the money to pay off Marcellina if necessary.

It’s a bit farcical and long winded, but they all agree to it.

Out goes Figaro to another snippet of “If you wanna dance.”  In comes Cherubino, ready and willing to be dressed as a girl, but not before a fair bit of flirting with the Countess.  He even sings her the song he told Susanna he had written for every woman in the palace.  Susanna accompanies on the guitar…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgfAWJbjvGg

It’s a bit a of a cheeky song – you who know all about love, see if I have it in my heart – and Susanna should probably box his ears for it, but instead they start getting him dressed.  Susanna dashes off to get the Countess’ bonnet when there’s a knock on the door.

Whoopsie daisy, it’s the Count, with a letter from the Countess’ fictional lover, and she happens to be alone in her bedroom with a half dressed Cherubino.  What does she do? Lock him in the cupboard of course.

A rather amazing and vicious fight scene follows.  The Countess tells the Count that Susanna is in the cupboard trying on wedding dresses and that he cannot go in because she is worried about her servant girl’s honour when the Count is about.  Just as the Count starts shouting at the cupboard door, unseen by either Count or Countess, Susanna enters.  Realising that the Countess’ honour depends on her being in the cupboard she hides from them both.  A rather horrid trio begins in which the Count gets pretty musically violent towards the Countess. It would be very nasty if it weren’t for the fact Susanna is also in the mix, singing out from behind a piece of furniture and injecting some humour.

So the Count says fine.  Both he and the Countess can go and find something to break into the cupboard, and he will leave the bedroom door locked.  They’ll be back soon enough to find out if it’s Susanna in the cupboard or not.  Deflated, the Countess takes his arm and off they go.

Of course, Susanna now comes out of hiding, gets Cherubino out of the cupboard.  He jumps out of the window.  She takes up her position in the cupboard, and, low and behold, to everyone’s surprise, when the Count comes in, all ready to find the Countess’ lover, there is Susanna after all.

Everything looks fine.  The Countess and Susanna tell the Count that Figaro wrote the love letter to the Countess as a joke to make him jealous.  The Count is feeling very silly.  Then, in comes Figaro, who the ladies have to get him to admit it.  That done, again, it all looks fine.  Then in bursts Antonio, the gardner, railing that he just saw the Page, Cherubino, jump out of a window and ruin the flower-beds.  So Figaro convinces the Count that Antonio is a drunkard and definitely didn’t see anything of the sort.  Everything is nearly fine again when in burst Marcellina and Bartolo to declare that Figaro must marry Marcellina.

And on those chaotic notes, Act Two comes to a close.

PS.  In my travels I discovered that a rather upper-middle-class Eastenders adaptation of the whole thing was made by the BBC in 1994.  It’s pretty ridiculous.  Here’s their version of the Act II Finale.  It’s good fun…